Forgiveness

During the stress of holidays, or maybe it is the memory of the past, or the absence of those who are no longer present with us today...I needed something to fill the emptiness. I searched for something to read to feed my heart and soul. I would pick up a book and after three or four pages, I would discard it, feeling empty.

A few days before Christmas, while I was at the book store, I found a movie called A Christmas Snow by Jim Stovall. I bought it and took it home to read that night while in bed. While getting ready for bed, I found the movie version of the book was on television. I was lucky because the movie had just started, so I sat down on my rocker to watch it. The movie was good but its underlying message was of forgiveness and it touched a sore spot buried deep down inside of me.

Forgiveness for me is hard. For me I anguished over forgiveness and the lack of it over a number of years, centering on the man I once loved, and who left me. The changes were deep and hard and I still struggle with this area called "forgiveness."

In the movie, Snow, the main character at the age of 10 watched her father walk out on her and her mother at Christmas time. The girl goes through her life cold and closed off and it isn't until she is in her 40s that a Christmas blizzard stands a young girl and an older man with her that her life changes.

I don't consider myself a sap but I cried at the end of the movie. That night I read the book and it helped me. No, forgiveness is still hard because I cannot forgive that person for his actions that hurt me and hurt my children deeply. But I have forgiven myself for being so hard on me. I have moved on despite the sadness. That is how I handle forgiveness.

Holidays, movies, books and songs can make a person weep or laugh or be introspective. I think a movie and a book called Snow did that for me this Christmas in 2010. I was inspired by the author, Jim Stovall, who is blind. He is a man who is wiser and can see more in his heart and words, then I did with my sight.