1 Boob, 2 Boobs, 3 Boobs, and more...

For Christmas I received a few gift cards to Macy’s Department Store, and decided maybe I would use the cards for a new purse, or shoes, or make up or some cool jewelry. I should have chosen one of those four items. But I didn’t. I wish I had, but instead, I decided to invest in some new bras that fit, and found myself at the lingerie counter in Macy’s.

Since I hadn’t been measured for a bra since I was probably 11 years old (I pretty much figured my size after this event), the sales lady and I went into the dressing room where she would measure me.

“Oh my, those girls are overflowing. I had that same problem. Oh wow, you do need a bigger size then what you are wearing!”

Not only did I go up a bra size but I increased in the cup size. The lady left me standing in the dressing room and I looked at my girls and thought – why is it when you get older – everything and I mean everything grows, spreads and droops? Damn, I added and sat down on the bench, and waited. The sales lady returned with one of the ugliest bras I had ever seen - a beige one that was huge and would make my dead grandmother gasp. It had underwire and when you laid it down flat, it could have been used as a two dinner plates. If you cut the two cups off, you could have a Frisbee or a Boomerang. Not only would my underwear be fitting for a granny, so would my bra.

I tried it on and hated it, while the lady came back with an even larger one. After I tried this particular bra on, the lady returned and agreed with me that I needed a smaller bra. Thank God, I had enough space to rent that bra out for a couple more girlie roommates.

Each bra that the sales lady brought to me, depressed me further. Thankfully, she announced that she had to go to lunch. I was on my own. I got dressed and looked through the bras and found the size that I needed without the killer underwire, tried it on and then purchased it. I even bought the one that the sales lady had brought to me with the underwire, and I am not at all sure why? I blew my gift cards on bras, which didn’t make me happy at all.