Being an ex-wife isn’t
always easy. One always has to tread lightly. Never react to your spouse’s name
and his second wife. Never react to what is going on with them or the trips
they are on or any new news.
Just recently we had a
shower for my youngest daughter. It was a wonderful time and my daughter’s face
radiated her total happiness. Sometimes, I wish that I could be that happy and
young again and oblivious to what might be waiting for me around that curve in
life’s road.
If there is anything
that I can say to help others in my situation it would be to get a message to
the second wife and that sould be not to be so intrusive in the face of the
first wife. The fact of the matter is that you are not my children’s mother, or
my grandchildren’s grandmother. You are the second wife. I was the one who gave birth to my nine
children, nurtured them and took care of them and was their designated driver.
I spent a lot of time with them alone, despite being married.
It is difficult enough
being around my ex and seeing he has another wife and has her own children as
well, and listening to the wife wax and wane about her big family. I repeat,
you are not their biological mother, despite you making yourself the center of
attention at my youngest daughter’s shower. I have been civil to you and never
mean. Please try to put yourself in my position. Please try to use your head
and your sensitivity to my feelings. Please try to blend into the background
when I am around. Please try to remember I am their mother and their
grandmother. When you entertain them in your home with your husband, I don’t
care how you act. But when we are all together, could you please be less
intrusive and invasive and use your common sense.
The shower would have
been more beautiful and a happier time for me but only ended up with me feeling
like I crashed my own daughter’s wedding shower.
Maybe ex-spouses and
new spouses should take a course in sensitivity. It still isn’t too late to
figure this out.
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